We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
