just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
