WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
