he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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