im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
