You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I think a kid would responsible me up
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
