i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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