i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
