i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Randomize
