Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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