Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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