You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Randomize
