Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
