Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
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