I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
