My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
