I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
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