is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
