Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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