All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
40s are totally the cure
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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