Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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