Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I wish you could order shots online.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
