Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
