Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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