Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
