I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
