I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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