Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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