when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
