we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Randomize