Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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