u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
