Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
