My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize