Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize