I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
