I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize