hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
