i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
