The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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