my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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