can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
