You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
