mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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