Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Two words: blizzard sex
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize