It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
