she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
