Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
