oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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