Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
