Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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