I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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