Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
