i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Small penises have feelings too.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
