Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
