So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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