You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
