butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
