Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
