I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
