We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
