Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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