I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
whose parrot is this?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
