Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
