I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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