you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize
