I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
