girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize