Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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