she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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