just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
