Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
