I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize