I'm gonna have a badass scar
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
