it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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