I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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