dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
