Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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