The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
