happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
