My room smells like vodka and shame
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
