Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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