I'm going to jail i love you
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Can't talk, ducks in the car
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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