I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
