so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
