it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
