Me. At least after what I've been through.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
