last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You have to summon your inner elephant
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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