You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
