I am in a vortex of obligation.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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