My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
only if we run a train.
done.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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