Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
