he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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