just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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