are you still at the devil's house?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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