Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
