Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
